Hot Mama

2005-11-29T14:57:00.000-05:00

Me,Abby and Meeps snugglin in bed on thanksgiving morning... no room for Matt!

Myles Mayhem McGillicutty 6/6/95-12/18/03

2005-08-26T09:12:00.000-05:00

SUNDAY -treasures!

2005-08-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

Look out Matt!

SATURDAY -playing in the back yard

2005-08-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

Karen with a sparkler

Brian with a gun!

Tim before his long night on the hammock.

After a long day of moving Tim in to his new house, we relaxed at the compound.

The Weekend in Pictures:FRIDAY-playing at the park

2005-08-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

say cheese!!

My beautiful Mom.

Marley, Adam and Matthew

and the beat goes on...

2005-07-28T10:11:00.000-05:00

This week is dragging. There were a few unfortunate events, but I guess I can not say it was all bad. I tend to let one or two bad experiences ruin the legacy of the whole week. So, I guess I should highlight the positive. Even thought I want to complain about the $1,000 inspection of my moms car and US Air having no record of my plane reservation I made weeks ago. And, well you get the point.

Our road and drive way are now paved and lookin mighty spiffy. The only part that I can take credit for is writing the check! I think that having it paved make our house and street look less like a jungle and more like a neighborhood. Matt will no longer have to mow the grass in the driveway. And hopefully the days of muddy shoes will be long over!! We are going to shop for a basketball hoop this weekend. I think that the coolest part of having a paved driveway is being able to use it for stuff like washing the car and jumping rope. haha

I had a nice talk with Alan last night. The discussion points are of no real importance to this story. We just talked about stuff. Kind of like a Dad would talk to his daughter. It was cool. I know we have talked like this before but for whatever reason this conversation happened at the right time for me. It helped me focus on what I have and not on what I DONT have.

tiny arrows

2005-07-26T10:21:00.000-05:00

06/07/03 -- the happiest day of my life.

blaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2005-07-19T13:46:00.000-05:00

Boring day. I am the only one in the office. So I am feeling extra lonely. I have been looking at pix on this site. click here The photos are random, and really silly. They are making me feel worse, though. A lot of the pix are of people hanging out, laughing and drinking. All the things I would love to be doing instead of working.

Here is a pix of Mara and I at a Cosby Sweater Party. We had such a great time... we were dressed in silly sweaters, drank jello-o shots and danced in Lauren's Living room. I remeber I didn't want to go to the party until I found that sweater at the Thrift Store. It is by far the silliest piece of clothing I own. It has real dice sewn in it, along with sequines and studs!!!

Here is a picture of my inspiration....

what the ?

2005-07-15T14:10:00.000-05:00

Soup Dragon

2005-07-14T14:53:00.000-05:00

I am just feeling so free today. I am feeling all light and happy. It is a strange feeling. Yes, I am at work in this cube I usually call a cell. Yes, I am here until 5. I guess I feel free of myself, really.
I am usually so bogged down with to do lists and daily worries. But, today I am not letting it bug me. It just doesn’t seem worth it. Either way the day is going to go on. I can try and relax and enjoy it, (or make the best of it) or I can make myself nuts worrying about ever last detail. In a perfect world, I will be able to feel this way everyday. My Jedi Master often reminds me that when working through issues like happiness there are always going to be ups and downs. So, today things are good. And tomorrow, well who knows.

Weekend Warriors

2005-07-05T09:35:00.000-05:00

The weekend was nice and uneventful. Matt and I tinkered around the house working on some small projects that have been haunting us for a while. We got almost all of the books built. We cleaned the garage and got it ready for the wash machine move. We also washed the car.

On the relaxing side of the weekend, we watched a few episodes of 24 and Team America. That movie is hilarious! The music is what makes the movie. “TEAM AMERICA –FUCK YEAHHHH.” We also saw Land of the Dead. I loved the Pittsburgh references and the sky flowers AKA fireworks. The zombies were pretty typical but scary to me. I am not sure it that means much, though!

Before the movie we went to the flea market. It felt like such a waste of time UNTIL Matt developed a new technique for taking pictures of the slothy people who frequent the flea. I will let him share those with the public when he is ready. I will just say, we got some of the funniest pictures. I laughed so hard, I peed! Other treasures at the flea include: an air popper (brand new in the box $1) and a record on how to speak German ($1).

Last night we tried to watch fire works from the roof of our house. Unfortunately, there is a tree blocking them. So, we walked up to the parking lot of the apartments and got a wonderful (private) view.

Treasures

2005-06-27T13:07:00.000-05:00

Friday I went to the park with Nicole, Adam, Matthew and Marley. We had a great time playing on the swings, playing in the water fountain and eating lunch in the park. It is so amazing how the boys get more personality as they get older. Adam and I got into a 5 minute conversation about why the man in the cartoon on my shirt would hit into a fire hydrant with his car. (The t-shirt said, “If you don’t like my driving, get off the sidewalk”) the best part of the conversation is that he got the joke, AMAZING!

Saturday was a crazy busy day. Matt and I went to an estate sale in the morning. We got a ton of cool stuff. I got some old tin toiletries and wooden frames and Matt got some old inkwells. We also found a really cool old globe for Mara and Paul. It is just like the one we got for ourselves at the Meadowlands. So, we gave Adam and Matthew the beat up one we got for free last week. I guess they left it at my moms and Adam wanted to go back to get “the world.” Going to estate sales can be a double edged sword. It is cool to find treasures, but sometimes so sad to see the contains of someone’s life for sale. It is amazing to see things like the persons shoes, for example. This woman had shoes from about 50 years lined up. There were really cool vintage heels, to old stretched out granny shoes.

After the sale we went to my moms for the “SlipNslide” party. It was probably the most fun I have had at a SlipNslide. Ben, Karen, Dave, Mike, Sugar, Jake and Tim all came. We drank beer and ate spiked watermelon and cherries. Karen, Sug and I went down the slide which was a blast. But now I am soooooooo sore! After the fireworks, we took the Hummer to Hanky Church cemetery. I took a pix of the tree trunk headstone that i will post as soon as i figure out how to get it off the new camera. http://theshadowlands.net/places/pennsylvania.htm. Where we ran around and acted like delinquents. We went back to my moms around 2 AM where AJ and his friends were all camped out in the back yard. My mom told me that they think there were over 300 people at the party.

Sunday we drove to Reynoldsville for Gracie’s baptism. We drove that damn Hummer, which was a source of anxiety for me. But, besides that, the day was really nice. Reynoldsville resembles Mayberry in a way. There is one street that takes you through town. Grace looked adorable in her little white baptism dress. Like an angle!

Griswold

2005-06-24T09:59:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was able to figure out some things about myself that I am pretty excited about. Some of these things I might have already known. But, I feel these things are like algebra problems, the answer doesn’t make sense unless you work the problem out.

Sometimes the smallest decisions make me anxious. I have always put so much pressure on myself to make the right choice. I work out every possible scenario in my head. I often feel like if one variable were to change, the whole thing (what ever I was trying to decide on) would be ruined.

I always want to make the right decision so what ever it is will turn out Perfect. But, why do I want it to be perfect? What the hell is wrong with not perfect? I mean, if something gets messed up or goes wrong, who is going to be mad… besides me?

I often feel that I am not worthy or capable of making a good decision. Why? Maybe because I have made some choices in my life that I am not 100 percent happy with.
I guess some of these choices have led me to feel very regretful and I just don’t want to regret any thing in my life.

I now feel that this control (or want to control) is not letting me be spontaneous. And I remember when I was spontanious and I miss that. I am just not sure why being a proper adult became so fucking important. I think this is where my “all or nothing” philosophy comes into play. I guess I have this feeling like if I get too close to the edge I am going to fall off. (Remember the rave days.)

I now am going to try and let things be what they are, but instead of trying to consider what might make it right for everyone I need to follow my instincts and decide what is right for me. Which I believe will let me be more spontaneous and in the end feel better about the decisions I have made.

Heaven

2005-06-22T08:42:00.000-05:00

Okay… I am all for public transportation, but I just have to vent.
Last night on my bus ride home I noticed a grease mark on the window. I have seen grease marks before, but last night there were 4 of them in a row. Eeks. Just in case you are not familiar with the grease mark, these are left on the window from peoples hair (or faces, maybe) and they look alot like a Rorschach test. This is not as bad as the morning someone puked in the back left corner of the bus. The whole back of the bus smelled rancid and the puke rolled into the isle. Oh, and do you remember the time the roof of the bus was leaking and dripping on to people? I think that was the middle of winter, so the puddle of water on the floor turned to ice, because the heat wasn’t working. I can not forget the fun of sitting next to a 300 pound hairy man who smells like he basted in the puke. GOOD TIMES.

oooohhh...you hit my spot

2005-06-21T11:14:00.000-05:00

So, I had my first class last night. Like most things that I dread, they are never as bad as I make them out to be. I don’t think it was the class that I was dreading as much as the whole day. I was gone for 14 hours. But, I survived it and I actually think I am going to like this class a lot. The teacher is cool; she does not seem like she would teach “psychology of human sexuality.” She looks pretty straight laced, but she is super comfortable with all the terms: anal, masturbation, vagina... She listed like a million terms for a woman who enjoys sex, besides the run of the mill terms like whore and slut terms like frat mattress, chicken head and sleazy pig were listed. Anywho, I cant focus. My point is, I think I will like the class and the next 6 weeks should not be that bad for me.

On a separate note, Matt brought home a Hummer from work, it is the biggest vehicle I have ever seen. It is totally out of control. It just about makes me sick…it smells so leathery inside, it reminds me of a man who would smoke cigars and play gulf. ICK!!!

Fly Away

2005-06-20T11:01:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a dream that I just can’t shake. I have been a bit anxious about today being the first day of my class. You know lots of scary stuff like will I find the class, will the teacher have fangs.
The dream started with me trying to find a ride to my class. I couldn’t get anyone to take me, so I walked to my grandmother’s house to borrow her car. I haven’t been to her house since she died, so it was a bit creepy. I came in through the alley, which I never did. I used to always park in the front, walk up the front walk, up the steps and in the front door. But the focus of this dream is the back yard, which was a lot bigger in the dream than I knew it was. The yard was set up with some picnic tables and lawn chairs. It looked like I had just missed a party. I then noticed that her cigarettes and lighter were on a table and in the ash tray was a burning cigarette. The smoke was really thick, almost foggy the way it is in those romantic 1950’s movies. I then walk around this now expanded back yard looking for and her calling her name. I could hear her inside the house calling my name. I tried to go in the back door but it was locked. Then I ran around the side of the house and tried that door, it was also locked. As I ran down the side of her house my legs brushed against the overgrown flowerbeds that were once planted there. I then ran up the front step, onto the porch and tried the front door, it too was locked. I called out to my Gram, but she did not answer this time. This I think is the scariest part, the second that she stopped calling my name. I turned around to where her car was usually parked and saw it drive away, but I could not see her in it. In this dream I knew she was gone, something I can not accept that easily in real life.

Anywhere But Here

2005-06-17T10:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a waste, pure and simple. I don't think I did one thing of any benefit to my life.
Work was boring. I printed an Amy Sedaris article that I read on the bus. It was kind of interesting. The article was all about traveling, the things she likes and dislikes about it.
( note to self: figure out how to link articles up to blog)
Reading it did make me excited about traveling to Germany. I am trying to keep all my thoughts about the trip on the positive, to think of all the adventures we are going to have. I remember the feeling of freedom I had when we drove across the country. It was the best... I felt like such a nomad. Maybe watching all those episodes of Carnivale (RIP) have given me wanderlust. I guess I feel like there is something so romantic about traveling around with little or no possessions.
Years ago my Uncle Nikki, used to live in a "motor home." His life always seemed so cool to me. He would stop by every few months and take us on an adventure in his motor home. I remember him taking me my sister and my cousin to see Annie at the theater that used to be behind the Monroeville Mall. ( RIP) I remember how cool we felt sitting on the bench seat in the back of the RV. We felt so special stepping out of this rolling house, like celebrities. We used to use it to play hide-n- seek...it had a bed above the cab with a curtain to hide you. He would always have a treasure to give us, some times a cool toy and sometimes something way better like antique Indian head nickels (which I still have, and in junior high school I kept in my penny loafers.) I have a few postcards that he would send me from out on the road. He would write them to me and have me give my parents messages, which made me felt so important. I still rarely see my uncle and when I do, he still gives me a treasure, sometimes a cool toy and sometimes a tidbit of wisdom that he has picked up over his years of traveling and exploring. I think a part of me wants to be that kind of Aunt to my nieces and nephews. Show them that there is more to life that life in suburbia.

numero uno

2005-06-16T13:26:00.000-05:00

So, I guess I am going to start a blog.
I am making no promises, but I will make a few guarantees. There will be some spelling, punctuation and grammar errors. I am betting there will also be a few thoughts that don't make sense, improper tenses and words that will be miss used because spell check placed them in there ... So consider yourself warned.
With that being said. I am starting this blog to try and keep track of what the hell I am doing with my life and perhaps by writing it down and visualizing it, I will either not feel so bad about what I am doing or feel so bad about it that I will do something to change it.
I guess only time will tell.